Colossians, Pt8: Family Matters

October 20, 2019                       NOTES NOT EDITED
Colossians, Pt8:  Family Matters

Colossians 3:18-4:1

SIS God has a plan for your family that will bless your life, your church and your community.

One of the most beloved and successful T.V. series first aired 22 years ago. The series, Family Matters, revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago (Wiki). The Father, Carl Winslow, is a Chicago cop. The most famous actor from that series did not enter the show until halfway through the first season, but when he did, he became the mainstay, breakout star of show, which would run for nine seasons.

We all know this character as the bumbling, beloved and a bit annoying next-door neighbor, Steve Urkel. His goofy persona and high-pitched nasally voice literally stole the show. Here is a a clip for those that may not be familiar with the irksome Urkel and Family Matters.  Steve Urkel is always coming up with crazy, geeky ideas.  This time, he found the secret formula to win the Winslow girl next door.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sud1fak_65Q

This week we come to a point in the Book of Colossians where Paul takes up the topic of “Family Matters.” Nothing matters more in this life than family, and nothing provides a greater base for the spreading of the gospel of Jesus Christ than the family. The family really does matter.  As goes the family, so goes the church.  As goes the church, so goes the nation.  Let’s read about God’s plan and design for the family.   Colossians 3:18-4:1.

There are many ways to approach this text that describes God’s plan for the family.  As I read, studied and prayed over the text three significant themes emerged:  ROLES, REASONS, AND RESTRAINTS.  Let’s examine each one in order.

1.  ROLES  The text outlines how Wives, Husbands, Children and Slaves should interact in a Godly way.  On June 10, 1998 the Southern Baptist Convention (our partner in ministry) caused a great stir when we amended our guiding statement of faith to say, “Wives should graciously submit to their husbands.”  Of course, this is exactly what Colossians 3:18 says, so you wonder why it would create any stir at all, but the debate continues today, 21 years later.

The word, “submit,” was like rubbing salt into an open wound for those who lean toward a “modern feminist point of view” in regard to the role of women in society.  Who could have imagined that 21 years later we would not be debating so much whether a wife should submit to her husband, but whether a wife even had to be a “woman!”  Time sure brings change.

Let’s get some misconceptions about “submission” out of the way right at the start.  Submission has nothing to do with the relative value of men and women in the eyes of God.  Verse 25 even says, “there is no favoritism” with God.

The idea of “submission” has to do with “functionality” not “equality.”  All people are equal in the sight of God.  Submission does NOT mean “servitude.”  It means mutual respect for the different “roles” that God has chosen for men and women which will bring the maximum amount of blessing to the family.  Keep in mind that during this time of ancient history, in both Jewish and Roman culture, women were little more than property.  In Roman life, wives were often greatly abused, physically and emotionally.

The Bible transforms the role of women.  The word translated “submit” is placed in a special Greek construction, the middle voice, which means that this submission is completely voluntary.  The word in the ancient culture could refer to a “ranking” in the military, or what veterans know as, “the Chain of Command.”  A sergeant has a “higher rank” but that does not mean that he is “more important than” a private, but that he has a different role—a role that is mutually beneficial to the entire squad as a whole.  So, here is the “role” God established for wives: “Wives submit to your own husbands” (v18).  This voluntary submission, borne out of respect for both God and one’s husband, will bless the family.

There is a role for husbands as well.  It is a simple, yet profound, role:  “husbands love your wives” (v19).  That love is not some shallow sentimentality or romantic feeling.  In another similar passage Paul expands on this love, ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives,  just as Christ loved  the church and gave Himself  for her (Eph. 5:25).  Husbands are to love their wives so deeply and so profoundly they would “die to protect them.”  This kind of love leaves no room, no toleration whatsoever, for any kind of mistreatment of a wife by a husband.  We’ll deal with this a bit more in a moment.

Third, there is a role for children.  Verse 20 says, “Children, obey your parents in everything.”  The word, “everything,” means that obedience is “all inclusive.”  There is no room for permissiveness in raising children.  What may look like a spark of mischief one day, could become a devastating wildfire destroying both the child and family.  Obedience of children was such and important aspect of a godly family that the penalty for willful and continuous rebellion in Jewish culture was to “take the disobedient child outside the city gates and stone them to death”  (Deu. 21:18-21).  Proverbs also expresses how essential obedience is to the integrity of the family: Prv. 13:24, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”

Finally, the Word talks about the essential role of a slave, or an employee, in our day.  This aspect of the Bible immediately causes concern from both those in the church and outside the church.  Why did God not condemn slavery? The word translated slave, can also mean, “servant,” or more like our word “employee.”  Whether this is what Paul has in mind or not, is open to interpretation.  A great deal of the problem we have with slavery in the Bible stems from having only one image of what “slavery” entails—the awful, wicked practice for which our nation fought a Civil War.  The Bible in no way condones such an ugly, dark practice.  In fact, it was primarily Christians such as William Wilberforce that brought slavery in the West to an end.  I don’t have time today to address such a complicated issue, but let me say that what Paul is dealing with here is more like our word, “employee.” The key issue in regard to this “role of a slave” is to be a godly example of unquestionable integrity “on the job.”  Paul admonishes the slave to “work wholeheartedly, even when the master was not watching”  (v22)

There is more to the slave issue than this, but as with all the various roles there is an element of restraint.  Every person in the family, and even society at large, has a place.  That place is not something demeaning like the caste system in India, but it is something functional and benevolent bringing order and blessing to the family unit.  What makes the roles different from how the same roles were abused in the ancient world is that each role is admonished in the context of a restraint.

2.  RESTRAINTS

In the relationship between “wives and husbands” verse 19 says, “Husbands . . . don’t be bitter.”  The word translated “bitter” by some translations is probably better translated, “harsh.”  “Don’t be bitter” as we understand bitterness in English could mean the wife did something wrong that should be overlooked—she didn’t “submit” enough perhaps.  This is not what the word is saying.  The word is saying that the wife is like a “subtle, delicate flower” and deserves to be treated with gentleness and great care.  I’ve seen many churches take the idea of submission, and without the element of restraint in this text, actually teach the abuse and subservience of wives.  That is why the Word places a restraint on the role of men.

There is also a restraint on the role of a man in regard to his children.  Verse 21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged.” Too many fathers are too quick to point their children to the “penalty of stoning” but fail to practice the principle of restraint by “putting too much on their children until it crushes their spirit as surely as stones crush the body.”  

Exasperating your children means that you engender resentment in their hearts. Resentment comes when a child does not easily and readily recognize that discipline is instruction, not just punishment.  To prevent exasperating your children you do not seek merely “conformity” to a set of rules—however good those rules might be—but you lead a child to change internally as a matter of character development.  It is easier to beat a child into submission, than to build them up in such a way that they voluntarily want to please both you, and the Lord.

Our text takes quite a bit of space to discuss the submission of slaves to their masters (relationship of employees to employers).  The restraint for the master or employer comes in verse 25, and is a dire warning, For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong he has done, and there is no favoritism.

Now, with that warning, the text establishes the expectations God has for masters, or employers:  Chapter 4:1 says, “Masters, supply your slaves with what is right and fair, since you know that you too have a Master in heaven.”

The bottom-line in all these different “roles” and the submission that each requires is: “Everybody is going to stand before God and give an account of how they put into practice God’s design for their lives.” 

The Family Matters—it matters more than any institution or organization in the world.  As the family goes, so goes the church.  As the church goes, so goes the nation.  We all have a role to play in the family, as well as in society.  All our roles, whether in leadership or in following, have restraints of righteousness attached to them.  Nobody is ever given “free reign” to rule as a malevolent dictator in any relationship.  All roles are voluntary and all have restraints to protect against abuse.

But, if all one sees in this text is a matter of “roles” to be played, then I feel we have missed the most important issue this text unfolds.  That is the

3.  REASONS for our roles in God’s Plan for the Family.

Every regulation or prohibition in the Bible is designed to bring about blessing.  God is not some “Cosmic Killjoy” who wants to restrict any and every avenue that would lead to our enjoyment.  Just like my own parents had “restrictions and prohibitions” on playing in the street, it was not to restrict my enjoyment but to prolong my days.  Deu 6:1-3:

This is the command—the statutes and ordinances—. . . ³ Listen, Israel, and be careful to follow them, so that you may prosper and multiply greatly, because Yahweh, the God of your fathers, has promised you a land flowing with milk and honey.

Every prescription and prohibition in the Bible is given by a loving God to bless our lives.  This is also true in Family Matters.  God has established the “roles and restraints for a reason.”  That reason is broadly stated in Verse 23-24:

 Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴ knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ.

I am basically a “rule follower.”  I don’t follower rules blindly, but as a rule, I see the benefits of following must rules.  Take yesterday for example.  A man and woman in a black Mercedes cut in front of me to get a great parking spot, in a crowded parking lot, in front of a popular restaurant.  The reason the spot was open is it was a spot with a “Ten Minute Limit.”  The man ignored the sign and about a half hour later, as Shari and I were leaving that same restaurant, he was still enjoying his meal with friends.  Yes, the thought of letting the air out of his tires did cross my mind—briefly!  Upon repenting for seeking vengeance, I continued on with my day.

Rules are generally good, and God’s rules are always good.  The text outlines three reason God’s design for Family Matters should be followed.

(1) One.  Faithfulness PLEASES Yahweh.  Verse 22a says, “Don’t work only while being watched, in order to please men, but work wholeheartedly.”  Our faithfulness in Family Matters is not to please men, but to please God.  Look at Verse 20, “Children,  obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Look back at vs. 23 again, Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men.  The simplest and best reason for following God’s decrees, in regard to Family Matters or any matter for that matter, is because faithfulness pleases Our Heavenly Father.

(2)  Two.  Disobedience is a FEARFUL thing.  Look at the second half of verse 22b, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord.  I’d say that most people, even church-going people, have very little fear of the Lord.  People do as they please for the most part, never fearing they are displeasing the Lord.  But, there is going to be a reckoning for all of us one day.  Look at Verse 25, For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong he has done, and there is no favoritism.  I wonder how many “wrong-doers—in the church or out it does not matter because God shows no favoritism when it comes to sin—how many have considered what the God warns us in Heb. 10:

³⁰ For we know the One who has said, Vengeance belongs to Me, I will repay, and again, The Lord will judge His people.  ³¹ It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God!

A good reason to follow God’s rules regarding roles in the family is because Disobedience is a FEARFUL thing.

(3)  Third.  Obedience is a FRUITFUL thing.  Look at verses 23-24, “²³ Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴ knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ.

The nice thing about pleasing the Lord is that He puts us in His will.  Obedience leads to the reward of a great inheritance.  Part of that inheritance is heaven and whatever unimaginable bliss that entails; but, part of the reward of obedience is an exceedingly fruitful life.  Psalm 1 describes this “reward.”

¹ How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers!  ² Instead, his delight is in the Lord’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night. ³ He is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

There are reasons why following God’s decrees, especially in regard to Family Matters, is a “good thing.”  Faithfulness Pleases God.  Disobedience is a Fearful thing.  Obedience is a Fruitful thing.  It’s all pretty simple actually. 

In regard to FAMILY MATTERS, we see the Bible establishes ROLES, provides RESTRAINTS, and gives REASONS for why God has outlined roles and restraints. These are “family matters” because the family, matters!

I think it is safe to say, "America has abandoned God's design for the family."  Just fifty years ago, when I was a young boy, I could count on one finger the number of my playmates who had divorced parents. I don't believe--in fact I know--all my playmates did not have perfect families; but they had "intact" families.  In just fifty short years, we have gone from "intact" families to same-sex marriages! Regardless of how one feels about the issue of same-sex marriage, we all must agree that same-sex marriage is quite a bit change in a small bite of time.

The last fifty years have seen all kinds of massive, paradigm-shifting changes. I grew up without a color T.V., and many of my friends had "no" T.V. when they were young. Now, I can watch T.V., get this, "on my watch!" (Well, I could if I know how to make it work). Many equate these massive changes with "progress." I don't see change and progress as synonymous, or even related in many cases. I don't think the family is better today because a man can marry a man, or we can watch T.V. twenty-four, seven.

Our nation is crumbling, regardless of what the Prosperity Preachers and politicians are pontificating about on T.V. Add up all the promises of all the politicians in a campaign cycle and it still amounts to little more than a bag of hot air--smelly hot air at that.

As the family goes, so goes the church. As the church goes, so goes the nation.  God has a plan for your family that will bless your life, your church and your community.  Let’s get back to Family Matters, because family matters more than any other activity or organization.